


Dwelling Place

by jeanjmo



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: M/M, Post-Episode: s07e25 Endgame (Star Trek: Voyager), Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-24 12:53:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21338566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeanjmo/pseuds/jeanjmo
Summary: Harry's not as happy to be back on earth as he anticipated.
Relationships: Harry Kim/Tom Paris
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	Dwelling Place

**Author's Note:**

> It’s cold, snowing, dark at 4:30pm and I finished Voyager for the first time and feel like my friends left me. Here we go:

“ No.”

Harry’s feet are on solid earth, San Francisco pavement to be exact, but his head isn’t anywhere near it. It’s still in the delta quadrant.

“ Come on Har, let’s try one more place.”

“ I’m not in the mood.”

“ Just one more. Please.” There was an unusual amount of genuine feeling soaked in the pleading . “ One more, and if you still aren’t into it I’ll let you off the hook.”

He sighed, “ alright. Just one more.”

He still couldn’t say no to Tom.

Tom’s way of coping was still drinking and flirting, one constant Harry could rely on, even here on earth. Usually that was enough, but tonight it wasn’t working.

He hadn’t expected this much loss. Being home. It had seemed, when they were 70 000 light years away, they were heading towards infinite gain; promising commission on a good ship, a promotion to lieutenant (well on track to commander), his parents, his academy friends, the assurance of basic resources and no longer having the continuous threat of death looming over him. Why then, did it feel like his insides were gouged out?

It was chillier and foggier that night than either of them had anticipated, both only in light jackets pulled closely around them. They entered their third bar of the night. The usual fare, cheap piss beer, bad atmosphere, worse clientele.

These nights had begun in upscale establishments. Places where people would recognize the miraculously survived members of Voyager and the drinks would flow freely and the people were eager for stories, and eager to help sooth all that loneliness they must have endured, out there, alone. It had been really good at first. Harry didn’t have to clownishly pine over alien women he’d chance encountered on a two day shore leave, without the possibility of seeing them again. Then he realized that maybe he preferred that. He still came out, for Tom. The familiarity of watching Tom effortlessly flirt made Harry feel more at home than anything else on earth, but soon they were both choosing to go home alone. Soon the bars got shitter, the drinks got harder, and even Tom’s façade was slipping. That was the most disquieting part of it all. Tom always had his façade.

“ Not so bad.” Tom stated, when they took a brief look around.

It was total shit.

“ Yeah.” Harry said, he headed to the bar to buy the first round. Tom got a table. The usual routine.

He ordered the best beer on tap, which was still shit, but better than whatever gut-rot Tom would order in the next round.

“ I like it here. We should come back.” Tom said, for no reason in particular other than it was something to say, when Harry set their drinks on the table, sitting down at the U-shaped booth.

“ Yeah.” Harry said, although he didn’t agree, and he knew they wouldn’t.

“ Why so down tonight, Har?”

Was he more down than usual?

“ Don’t try it, Tom.”

“ What?”

“ Let’s not get sentimental, this isn’t old times.”

“ What else are we doing then?” Tom wasn’t joking, he was inquiring and gazing at Harry with blue eyes that pierced way deeper than he wanted them too.

Harry shook his head and looked away, he scooted deeper into the booth, so he didn’t have to directly face Tom. Tom copied him, so they were now sitting side by side at the back of the booth, facing the room. It was closer than Harry would have liked.

They sat there, drinking in silence, with Harry extremely aware of how close Tom was. If he moved his leg only slightly they’d bump knees. He was careful not to.

Tom stretched his arm out so it was resting on the back of the booth behind Harry. It was a natural movement, something Tom would do all the time, but tonight there was something different about it.

Tom was slightly turned now, observing Harry. He tried to ignore it, staring out at the room and taking another gulp of beer.

“ You know Harry, lately, you’re the only person I can stand to be around.” 

Harry chanced a glance over at Tom but didn’t respond.

“ But it seems like you can hardly stand to be around me.” He said it quieter, although it was still direct, he was still staring straight at him.

Harry didn’t look, simply put his glass down and said “ that’s not true.”

“ Isn’t it?”

Harry shook his head. Tom moved his arm from behind Harry, accidentally brushing the back of his neck as he returned it to his side. Cold shivers ran down Harry’s spine and he shifted uncomfortably.

“ I saw Chakotay the other day.” Tom started, no longer inspecting Harry.

“ Yeah?” Harry asked dryly.

“ Yeah. He’s taken a palaeontology position at an off-world university. Leaving in a month.” Tom was trying to sound natural, but for some unknown reason, he seemed calculated.

“ He must be excited.”

“ He was… making an effort to be.” Tom said slowly, thoughtfully. Harry inspected him now, wondering why Tom had brought it up.

“ What do you mean?”

“ All I’m saying is… you’re not the only one feeling lost, Har.” He was staring back at him again, gaze somehow soft and piercing at once.

“ I’m not--”

“ You might have changed but you’re still a terrible liar.” Tom smiled at him and something inside Harry squeezed.

He broke the eye contact but under the table Tom’s hand found Harry’s.

“ You’re not alone.” He said, without looking at him.

The gestured stirred up too many memories for Harry to be able to respond verbally. Too many nights like this, hopelessly far away, yet somehow not nearly as sad. Some that had been eons sadder, but so many good ones, in places they’d never see again, with people they’d never get the chance to know. Harry breathed in more raggedly than he’d have liked to, and gripped Tom’s hand a little harder.


End file.
